Sunday, May 27, 2007

IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS


L You know, we all tell ourselves that life is too short to be unhappy, to be miserable, etc. I know i say that to myself like everyday but still i'm not doing anything different.

I remember asking my myself, what if i died today, what would i have achieved? What would i be remembered for? Would people miss me? Am i going to go to hell? Each day, i tell myself that i must change things in my life but each time, i realise i'm still doing the same thing i vowed to stop doing. If i died today, what would i have achieved? All i have ever done with my life is go to school, sleep, move from one country to another. Same thing.

I do beleive that God is keeping me alive for some reason or else i would have been dead since. I remember the first experience that i had when i almost looked death in the face was when we (i mean my family) were travelling to some state in 9ja that i don't remember at the moment. I was around 8 because i remember that my last brother was just born then. I was not sitting with my family but away from them. I don't remember why. The plane started having problems because there was bad weather. I remember people in the plane were crying & screaming. Our househelp (she was like part of our family) was clutching my brother & praying & my mother was praying. When it became too much for her, she started crying. I could not see my other sisters or dad. I remember one of the air hostess, walked up to me & buckled my seat belt & said to me, "dont worry, nothing will happen". I did not get what she was on about and i didn't understand why the plane kept shaking. I was not crying, but i was clutching my can drink with brutal force cos i didn't want it to fall cause i liked the drink. I remember, when the plane landed, everybody was clapping & couldn't wait to get off the plane. I would have died that day if not for God. My life is not worth more than the other dead people or the other ones who have died in Plane crashes like the "BELLVIEW" & "SOSOLISO" crashes in 9ja.

Another brush i had was when we came back to 9ja & i got this really bad malaria. I used to laugh because the white people treat malaria as if its cancer, but i stopped it after that. I got so sick that to get up from my bed was a very big problem & i felt as if someone was hitting m head with a hammer because of the headaches. As if that wasn't enough, i ended up being in the same room with a snake. i mean a viper. Only God knows how it entered our house talkless of getting on top of my cupboard. I never knew snakes climbed walls. If my sis did not come into the room & go near the cupbaord, only God can say what would have happenned to me. I thanked God because the snake was in the room with me (the lights were off cos it gave me more headache) for God knows how long & it didn't bite me. So you see, if the snake didn't kill me, the malaria would have killed me for sure but i'm now here blogging about it.

I look back at all this & tell myself things have to change in my life. From now on, i need to do things that i want. I'm tired of doing what everybody wants me to do & i'm tired of being unhappy. I might disappoint some people along the way, & maybe make wrong discisions along the way. But its my life. If i make mistakes, i will learn from them. We don't live life twice in this world (this is my belief) so we have to take control of our destinys. When i finally die, i want to look back at my life (wherever dead people go) & be content with myself. I don't want to be somebody who has so much and still have nothing. I want to leave the earth knowing that i am at peace with myself, that i am no more in pursuit of happiness (because i am now happy) & that i'm somebody my children would be proud of.


P.S- I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while. I started this blog in januaty & i've just had 29 posts. I need to commit more to this blog & i will. At least till i get bored of it.

30 comments:

diary of a G said...

welcome back
welcome back
wellcoommeee back

well ur starting to leave a legacy
by bloging about your life and your views on things
so
thats a good start

lol u didn't let go off ur drink during the turbulence on the plane cause u liked it...haha

that snake and malaria was no joke
To be honest I got the creeps reading about the snake
I had to check under my bed
cause I don't like snakes.

good having you back

The Pseudo-Independent said...

Chidi, this is just to reserve my seat here and Ill go read properly and return to comment. However, I must say you have beaten me to it as I was thinking of doing a similar post. Anyway, you know the saying about like minds? Ill be back shortly. Lots of love.

@readers
Hello to you all...and now to the nasty bit...if any of you should dare take my seat before I return na real wahala oh :)...now let me go read it.

ijeoma obu iheoma said...

finally chei.. i was tired of seeing "church buisness". Girl you are not the only one.. i also want to leave a mark.. make a difference. Do something unique.. But mostly i want to be content.. nice post.. good to have you back..

יושה (Yosh) said...

Nice post...so true about living for and being happy with oneself. That is something i have agreed to fight, getting pushed about at the whims of others...I mean, that's really bad. But at least, I know a lot of people see the need for self-actualization, just as I do.

And your near death experiences...let's just say God has been in control. Inasmuch as I know I've not been giving him 100%, it's amazing he still keeps watch over moi and my loved ones. Good stuff, really!

And thanks for your comment! :) As for me and Ex, just watch and maybe you'd be able to connect the dots *wink wink* :D

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

thank God oooo. u don finally write something. we missed u sha.
me sef wan change my life too but e hard oo. it takes Gods grace if u ask me. for my own near death experiences.., thats another days story

pamelastitch said...

hello,
Naija gal for lyfe..keep on representing. I agree with your ow. Being the eldest from an ibo family, i used to suffer from the "i must please everyone syndrome" so i took certain unhappy steps to make that happen. Until and i got older and realized that the bottom line is, "am i happy?". Every one is and has lived their lifes to the fullest and why should i let them run mine too. So currently, i am enjoying my life and walking my own path and it is HARD sometimes but i can tell you it is worth it.

Everyone has their own paths and destiny...just ensure you follow your path not someone elses...

mad love,
pammy

pamelastitch said...

ignore the typos....

:-)

Andy said...

Hmmm pensive thoughts! Those recent events must have really set you off thinking about a lot.
Anyway, good to see you back.

~Mimi~ said...

been wondering the same today....what legacy will i leave behind if anything were to happen? nothing will happen though as my bible promises me long years..but anyway its a question worth thinking about.

Naija Vixen said...

finally!!! Dont worry urself too much bout it...just try to do as many good things as you can everyday.take care babes.

Jaycee said...

I love the way u just put ur life into perspective. It is "determination" that will cause u to be the person that you want to be. Paul said that, "those things I want to do, I do them not...but those things I do not want to do, I do..." But he also said, "but I'm pressing onwards...towards the prize. FORGETTING THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE BEHIND..."

I'm sure u're thinking like him right now...LOLL...

yankeenaijachick said...

Girl, God has been preserving ur life for a purpose. I missed ya blog. keep updating. Am kinda busy so not much time to update. Stay in touch. later.

Im A Babe said...

i see ur goin thru one of those 'tyms'. wateva it is, just always make sure u relax nd take a longggg deep breath.
nicely written tho

Kafo said...

there's is this lady at my church who had a similiar experience.

she always felt like the devil was trying to snuff her out and she noticed how when she drove she was always gripping the steering wheel as if her life depended on it.

so yeah
i feel u
it's real
some of us the devil tries to get to us physically cuz he can't reach us in our spiritual life.


Psalm 91:11

Val said...

My dear,Your last paragraph,really makes me cry,You know,some of us have lived almost 30 years of our life trying to satisfy our Family,makes them happy,be that girl they love,but i've come to realise that no one cares about your happiness,You carry your Pain and they couldn't see it,U live the life they want for you.

Getting married,u find urself in same shoe,in Pursuit of Happiness.

Thanks sweetie for this,I will always remmember this,I rather died Happy Man rather than died in Pursuit of Happiness.

Keep it Up.

The Pseudo-Independent said...

Have read a little bit and the following is an initial observation: despite the plane scare, your malaria and that viper, how I wish we could have two goes at life? May be we will be less scared. But I believe in destiny and this is all that keeps me going. Praise God.
Ill see if I have any further thoughts on this and will be back.

@anyone
my seat remains reserved

Anonymous said...

Now, that snake thing is just scary. I don't like snakes and don't know how I would have dealt with finding one in my room.

I haven't had any near death experiences but I can imagine how they have made you value each day more.

Tinks

Pink-satin said...

i have had so many brushes with God and i thank him i am alive today...thank God for u too

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

u don run again abi? where u @

Linda Ikeji said...

chidi ure a babe.

Vera Ikeji said...

Chidi, i feel u. I have bn in that situation myself,trying to make everyone else happy except myself. Sacrificing what i have for others while i have nothing. I drew a line to that sometime last year. It's now 45-55,45 to me, 55 to people.lol. I am still working on it, soon it will be 70-30. Happiness is very important. My happiness matters a lot to me, now i do what makes me happy.I mean emotionally. My happiness is what is paramount in my life now.
Keep ur resolution, u will live longe that way.
Goodluck.

Ugo Daniels said...

Ok, where are you naaah!!!???!!!

The Pseudo-Independent said...

Chidi love, at least you wont say I didnt mention it. Ill be leaving blogsville very shortly. And this is a reminder to stop by on my way out should you have updated by then. God bless and with best wishes

princess said...

Hey babe! Good to have you back.Really do people ever stop in the pursuit of happiness till they die?
Thanks for dropping by my blog.

Naija Vixen said...

Oya update though!!!

MightyMike said...

Very Inspiring post..Thank You.

Nyemoni said...

I love this post girl...speaks volumes.... one thing though, blogging is only for release... please don't feel pressurised into blogging everyday... it's better to have 1 blog-worthy post a week, than 7 boring posts a week.. Your posts are few, but super...

Simply Gorgeous said...

I do believe like you that God has us here for a reason.

Your malaria episode sounds like the one Ihad in 2000. I could not get out of bed for 2 weeks straight I thought Iwas dying. Malaria is no joke.

chidi said...

thanks you guyz! @ ijeoma obu iheoma- LOL! at you getting tired of seeing "church business"

Ugo Daniels said...

So, what are you w aiting for to update, eh, bia this girl..